Respect in Reality

Utopian philosophers often discuss aspects of establishing utopia as if it is like erecting a building, from virgin ground. Reality is much messier than that; utopia can only be born into a world already alive, with all its history of blood and hatred, conflict and wars. As any homeowner would tell you, it is much more difficult to renovate an old building, than it is to build a new dreamhome from scratch. We are limited by the cards we are dealt; we can only make the most of what we have, and no use complaining about the mess that we find ourselves.

Instead of demanding and institutionalizing respect in society, as some totalitarians might suggest, the only viable long term solution towards establishing utopia is to instill a sense of respect FOR respect in the heart of every man, woman, and child. Without this self-directed, inner-driven common sense, society cannot possible create the abundance of respect necessary for utopia.

There will be always bullies who want to use any means possible to allow them to intimiate others: including the use of so-called social conventions of respect to hit others over the head. Christ warned us about these hypocrites who do not enter the kingdom of heaven themselves and guard the doors against others entering. Their very criticism of other's lack of respect is a form of disrespect. The only difference between their bully tactics and the schoolyard variety is that they use words, covered with a veneer of civility. But scratch lightly, and it bleeds the same cowardice as any bully. As New York's once famous mayor Rudy would say, "Stand up to a bully." There is no need to argue with such a hypocrite. Simply not yield to their intimidation, and let thme know unequivocally that their bullying hypocrisy is clear and exposed. Once they are forced to see themselves in the light of truth, their own shame will put their hurtful words to rest.

For those few pathological cases when their antisocial behavior becomes truely disruptive, only a combination of gentle firmness and forgiveness will do. As Christ taught us, there are times when only prayers can drive out the demons. It takes a saint to be firm and gentle, while continually being forgiving. It is so easy to either blow up in anger, or in the case of loving parents, to yield to a child's demand, instead of insisting without confrontation on doing what is right Ghandi's Satyagrapha is one method of accomplishing just such a balance.

I have often wondered at the proverbial saying, "To err is human; to forgive, divine." I have often felt that there is something missing in this pithy adage. Only recently am I reasonably certain that it is not exactly right. On the one hand, it is true that to err is human, but it is also human to forgive. Indeed, it is only humans that need to forgive, because there is no need for Divine Providence to forgive anyone. It was Grace that gave us Christ for our redemption. It was an expression of God's love for humanity, not forgiveness.

What humans need in forgiveness is not the act of forgiving others, but the process of allow oneself to let go of the pain and hurt of being a victim. Without forgiveness, we are forever trapped in the role of victim, and forever suffer the consequences. Only by the divine act of forgiveness (it is divine because it is God's gift to humanity to allow us to rise above the pain and suffering of our mortal lives) that we can live the free and happy life in utopia. No one who holds a grudge can live happily, not even in utopia.